Becoming Isabella
by I can't find my pen
Summary: What I think should have happened when Edward left Bella. Bella goes to Italy to try and find herself again, who will she meet? Rated M for caution and possible violence and lemons in later chapters. Eventual Bella x Edward.
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or anything else mentioned in this fan fiction, the characters and everything else belong to Stephanie Meyer. The only thing I can claim is the plot.

**Prologue**

Gone. He was Gone. This was all that was running through my head. I couldn't process it; didn't want it to be true, yet I couldn't ignore it. So it played through my brain, on loop. The very thought of it cut me into such tiny pieces that I knew instinctively I could never be truly fixed.

I supposed I died in some ways, though my heart was still beating and the forest air still past back and forth through my lungs. I was becoming an empty slate, a blank piece of paper. Throughout the past months every little thing that made me who I was had attached itself to Edward, and now he was gone and so was I. All that was left was a shell of hurt and pain.

The next couple of months were, without doubt the worst of my comparably short existence. I'd never felt particularly in sync with anyone but his leaving had pushed me so far out of the reach of those around me I questioned whether I was even human anymore. Scratch that, I knew I wasn't human, I was less. Humans felt emotion, I felt nothing.

My family and friends, if they could be called that anymore, thought I was grieving, that I was depressed; suicidal even. The truth was perhaps worse. When someone said their names I waited for the pain, it never came. There was only nothing. I was drowning in nothing.

It scared me, fear of it was all I felt anymore. I began to search out the pain. Not physically, I still had pride. I knew Alice might be watching me and I didn't want to give them the satisfaction of thinking their leaving had that much of an effect on me. I tried going back to that spot in the forest where he left me. When that didn't work I tried going to 'our' meadow, still no reaction. Fear and pride, what kind of an existence was that?

I had to get out of here. Forks was just uninteresting, the Cullen's had brought life to this lifeless place for me. They were gone and so was the life, my life.

When I went to Charlie with my need to get out of Forks; he smiled. I hadn't seen him smile since Sam had brought me back from the forest, catatonic. Come to think of it, nobody had really smiled at me after that.

"I think that's just what you need Bells. Get away, take some time to recuperate. Where will you go? Phoenix?"

I wouldn't be going to Phoenix, Renee would expect me to still be her Bella and that just wasn't who I was anymore. I needed to go somewhere where I didn't know anyone and no one knew me. I needed to reinvent myself, if I couldn't be Bella Swan; I would have to find the person I could be.

"No not Phoenix, Italy." I didn't know where Italy came from but it felt right.

"Italy, Bells are you sure?" The look on Charlie's face told me that my sanity was now most definitely in question.

"Yeah, I need to get away from, well everyone really. I think Italy's the place for that, somewhere in the countryside perhaps. A little village where I can be alone without cutting myself of completely."

"Ok, Bells if that's what you need, then Ok but promise me you'll write." The smile was gone now Charlie just looked sad.

"I will dad but I need this."

Two weeks later I was standing at the entrance to Seattle's airport, Charlie beside me wheeling my suitcase. I turned to him with a sigh and put on a smile that wasn't entirely fake. I was surprised to find that I was actually excited about going to Italy. I took this as a good sign of recovery and it reaffirmed my belief that this was what I needed.

"I guess this is it dad, I'll see you at graduation." After I'd told Charlie I wanted to go to Italy he'd set about enrolling me into an English speaking boarding school in a relatively unpopulated area. It was near a place called Volterra.

"Yeah, I'll see you Bells. Write!"

I nodded then turned back to the entrance. It wasn't a particularly teary goodbye but that's just the way things were between Charlie and I. Neither of us was very expressive about our feelings even before the Cullen's had left.

Charlie gave me one last pat on the back before I walked through the departures doors. I made my way to the check in queues without looking back. It was better that way, a clean break.

As I stepped onto the airplane I felt like I was leaving behind Bella Swan all together, becoming someone new. I didn't know this new person yet but I was looking forward to getting to know her. When I'd stepped on the plane, I'd found out she was more independent then Bella. Maybe this person needed a new name. I'd always felt that the name Isabella was too showy but perhaps for this more independent, hopefully more confident person; it might be just right. Isabella Swan, that's who I was now or who I was becoming anyway.

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	2. Finding my feet

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or anything else mentioned in this fan fiction, the characters and everything else belong to Stephanie Meyer. The only thing I can claim is the plot.

**Chapter 1 - Finding my feet**

As I stepped off the plane in Italy I didn't think about Forks or Edward, nor anything else that had happened to me recently. My first thought as I stepped onto the Italian soil was of the future, my future. I took a deep breath and smiled, my first real smile in what felt like forever. The sun was shinning and as the pilot of the plane had been kind enough to point out before we had left the plane, the local time was two in the afternoon. I hadn't given much thought to the weather in a while. Since moving to Forks actually; the weather there was so monotonous and depressing, it was better not to think too long on it. At this moment though, I took a minute to appreciate the warm, Italian sun and I found it made me happy in some small way. I'd found out one more thing about Isabella, she liked warm weather.

I shook myself out of my thoughts and made my way to arrivals. Without being in the country an hour I already knew I would love it here. The people were so much more friendly and the very atmosphere of the place was happy. Once I finally got out of the airport I made my way to the taxi bay were I should be meeting the taxi Charlie had booked for me. Quickly spotting a man with my name on a sign I dragged my suitcase along to the car he was standing by. Luckily for me, the driver could speak English and the hours drive to the boarding school was pleasantly passed with him pointing out sights or towns we passed adding extra details and anecdotes.

We pulled up outside what looked like an old mansion which was apparently, the boarding school. I could tell on sight that I would love it, the building was beautiful and surrounded by acres of lush, green land. Getting out of the taxi, I thanked the driver and gave him a tip even though Charlie had already paid by card when he'd booked it.

I wheeled my suitcase up the long, pebbled driveway to the school. Upon reaching the door my confidence wavered. It was so silly but I just didn't know what to do; should I knock? I couldn't see any doorbell. Pushing my nerves aside I reached for the bronze door knocker and took a deep, calming breath. After knocking once I waited, finally someone answered the door.

It was a woman who looked to be about forty. Her skin was a beautiful olive tone and her warm eyes and laugh lines gave an impression of kindness. Although they looked nothing alike, something about her reminded me of Esme and I felt a sudden pang of sadness and nostalgia. The woman at the door gave me a smile.

"Ah, you must be Isabella. We have been waiting for you. How was your flight? Are you liking Italy so far?"

Her talkativeness put me at ease and I felt right at home. The woman gestured me into the building and took my suitcase from my hand before closing the door behind us. I almost went to correct her for calling me Bella out of habit but reminded myself that I was no longer Bella. I remembered the Head teacher was called Ms. Marino and figured this must be her.

"You must be Ms. Marino, my flight was lovely thank you and so far I think that Italy is a beautiful country that I will enjoy staying in."

"That's good, I'll just show you to your room and we can have a little chat about school."

Ms. Marino lead me up the stairs and down a long corridor to the room at the end. As we passed the doors to the other rooms, I noticed that some of them were personalised with posters and the like. Ms. Marino saw me inspecting the doors as we passed.

"At this school, we encourage the students individuality. You may decorate and personalise your room and door as you like, all we ask is that you don't do anything that could be considered offensive to it but you seem like too nice a girl for me to worry about that."

I was grateful for this figuring that whilst I was still trying to find out who I was it would be good to express anything I find out about myself in creative way. Plus I needed to start developing more hobbies. Over the flight to Italy I'd done a lot of thinking and decided that one of the main problems with my relationship with Edward was that I had no life outside of us. I'd spent all my time with Edward and the rest of his family and I had nothing that was solely my own. When I looked at relationships around me I felt that this revelation was a real make or break factor of a relationship. For example, when I looked at my parents relationship I realised that Charlie had wanted Renee to have no life of her own; to be a housewife, to bring me up and cook for him and despite how much he loved her, it had driven her away. However, when I looked at the Cullen's relationships I realised that all of them had their own hobbies that they could use as a way of getting some alone time. Something that helped them to be a part of a pair without giving up their individuality. So this was my first task on my journey of self discovery find; find a hobby.

"That sounds great."

We reached the door of what I assumed was to be my room. Ms. Marino reached into her pocket and pulled out a key which she opened the door with before handing it to me.

"Your room key, hold onto it because if you lose it you'll have to pay for a new one to be cut. The staff have a copy of every students key but we respect your privacy and won't use it unless necessary."

"Thank you."

I took the key and entered the room after her. I was struck by how much it looked like my room in Forks; light blue walls, a bed, bookcase and computer in the corner. I was then struck by just how generic my old room had been, it was boring. I had been boring but I wouldn't be anymore. I was going to reinvent myself starting with my room.

Ms. Marino set down my suitcase and turned to me.

"Dinner is in two hours so I'll leave you now to sort out your things and get settled in. After dinner we can have a nice, long chat about school and other things you might be worried about. Ok? Dinner is a communal affair so everyone has a chance to socialise. Theirs only about two hundred students here and few of them board so there won't be too many there but it will be an excellent chance for you to meet some of the others."

"Thank you very much, I'd like that"

With a wave and a smile Ms. Marino left my room and shut the door behind her, leaving me alone. I got to work taking out my things and putting them away. It was a pretty mindless task so I had plenty of chance to continue thinking on my revelations from before.

Firstly, a hobby, this was the prefect chance for me to do something different. I thought for along time about what I wanted to do, things I'd always wanted to try. I thought about myself, what I wanted to improve upon, what my good points were. Then it hit me. I should try Martial Arts.

It made perfect sense; martial arts would improve my balance and therefore, hopefully get rid of my clumsiness, it would also keep me fit and healthy. Somewhere inside I also felt that it would even the playing field, however slightly, between me and Edward. Now I would be able to defend myself against others of my kind, even though I would still be powerless against his.

That was big problem number two between us. Our relationship had been so unequal it was laughable. He had been completely in control right from the word go. He made the decisions and decided what was best; not only for our relationship but for me as an individual and that just wasn't healthy. Edward was so much ahead of me in everything; intelligence, talent, looks, strength and lets not forget age. None of this, I realised, was a good foundation for a relationship, not a long term one anyway.

This brought me to thinking about Edward and I found that no longer did I feel nothing when I thought of him. There was a fair amount of pain there and still an incredible amount of love but less need. I didn't need him anymore, I still wanted him; loved him but no longer needed him to function.

There was a knock on the door which interrupted my thoughts. I put down the armful of books that I'd been stacking on the bookcase and went to answer it. Waiting on the other side was Ms. Marino to pick me up for dinner.

We walked down the corridor and then down the stairs. I looked about, trying to memorise everything around us, I wanted to find my way around as quickly as possible. The dinner hall, as it was labelled on the bronze sign outside of it, was a large room with several circular dark wood tables. It was clear that dinner had not yet started as there were few people sitting at the tables. I noticed that the teachers were sitting with the students and I found this odd. Ms. Marino seemed to sense my confusion.

"It's a small school and the teachers tend to board here as well, so most of the teachers use dinner times to tutor or talk to their students who need help."

Ms. Marino lead me to a table in the middle of the hall were three students and a teacher were sat. The four introduced themselves. The students names were Anna, Rachel and Rio all were apparently in the same year as me. The teacher introduced himself as Professor Gallo who taught Art.

Dinner passed pleasantly with easy conversation. I learnt a lot about the others at the table. Anna and Rio were both Italians who wished to move to America after school and so felt it would be prudent to learn to speak English fluently. They both boarded as their families lived on the other side of Italy so commuting from home would be impossible. Apparently there weren't many of these schools in Italy, affordable ones at least. Rachel like me was from America but her mother was Italian and wanted her to learn here. I had several conversations with Professor Gallo, thinking that I might take his class.

After dinner Ms. Marino came to collect me from the table so we could go to her office and have a chat. Her office was nice; cosy yet professional.

"Your father wanted you to have something of a fresh start and as such he has not specified which classes you are to take. This would probably be a very good place to start, do you have any classes you want to take?"

"Art and Italian," I answered immediately. I had really enjoyed talking to Professor Gallo and the Art course seemed really interesting, I didn't know if I'd be any good at it but it was worth a shot. As for Italian, I thought it would be a good idea for my to learn the language of the country I'd be living in for almost a year, maybe more.

"Good, any others?"

"Umm… History, Biology and Music?" To be honest I wasn't really sure about the last one but something within in me told me I should take it. I wanted to know something about Edwards passion, I realised that Edward knew every detail about who I was or who I had been but I'd barely scratched the surface of the mystery that was Edward. I knew what he was, how he'd become this; I knew of his love for music, fast cars and baseball. I also knew how much he loved his family but that was about it really, I'd never dug deeper. I'd taken what he told me and been grateful for it, I should have been more proactive in learning about him.

"Ok, how about taking Maths as well? Then you'll have a nice well rounded set."

I reluctantly agreed to take maths and then our conversation had turned to other things. Things like where I could learn Martial Arts, Ms. Marino knew of a small dojo in the near by town of Volterra. A bus ran to the town from just up the road every half hour and as tomorrow was a Saturday, I resolved to go check it out and maybe book some classes.

As I lay in bed that night, I thought about the way my life was going and I felt good about it. I felt as if I'd finally found my feet and I could start walking forward again. As I drifted of to sleep, a face with bronze hair made it's way into my thoughts and for the first time in months I fell asleep with a smile on my face. The world was full of possibilities and I felt sure we would meet again, despite what he had said.

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	3. New old faces

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or anything else mentioned in this fan fiction, the characters and everything else belong to Stephanie Meyer. The only thing I can claim is the plot.

**Chapter 2 - New old faces**

I'd been in Italy for three months now and this were going great. I'd settled into the new school with an ease that surprised me. Over the past few months I'd become good friends with Rachel, Anna, Rio and several others. Art had quickly become my favourite class after I found I was talented at it; I had used my new found skills to decorate my room which was now the opposite of my generic one back it Forks. As for my music class; I'd never be talented but I could now see why Edward had such a passion for it.

As for my plan to take up Martial Arts, that had gone swimmingly. When I'd gone to dojo in Volterra my intention had been to just have a look around and book some classes. I hadn't planned on staying for two classes then and there; a general fitness class and a kick boxing session. After that I was hooked. When I wasn't in school or with friends I was generally in the dojo. About a month into my new hobby, the owner of the dojo offered me a job doing some clerical work and cleaning after my lessons. The job wasn't very interesting but it paid relatively well.

As for my family, things weren't going so great. I had tried to write and e-mail Mum but her response's hadn't been great. I suspected that she felt hurt that I wanted to move all the way to Italy rather than back in with her. She didn't understand my need to get away. Charlie understood and his letters were much longer but just because he understood didn't mean he liked it. I could tell from the tone of his letters that he missed me and I missed him too. I also worried about his health; whether he was eating right, taking it easy sometimes but I needed to stay where I was. If I went back now before my new persona was fully formed all the progress I'd made would come crashing down around my ears and I would go back to being Bella, or Bella's shell at any rate. On the whole life was going well and would hopefully continue to do so.

It was late on a Friday evening the next time I saw one of them. Ever since I'd taken the job at the dojo, I'd been getting out later and later. About two weeks into my job I saw one of them; one of the cloaked figures. I'd thought it was odd at first, the weather wasn't cold so they certainly weren't wearing them for warmth and cloaks weren't part of any recent fashion statement I'd heard of. As the weeks went on I saw more of them and saw similarities between them; they all moved with a fluid grace I'd only ever seen in those of the immortal persuasion, they all walked slightly faster than normal and other people in the area seemed to give them a wide berth. I'd never seen any of their faces but I suspected, within a deep part of my mind that should I ever see them, I would see two malevolent ruby orbs staring right back at me.

At first I'd been nervous about being in such close proximity to so many of those that hunted my kind but after a while it became clear that they meant no harm to those within the city limits; indeed Volterra boasted of having no missing people in several years. I had checked. It was clear that the cloaked ones were part of a clan, from what I'd seen of vampires they'd been very territorial. It would have been nigh on impossible for this many individual vampires to live in the same place. They weren't nomads, if they were they would have no qualms about hunting in the city.

I wondered quite where they hunted, if not within the cities confines. The school was on the outskirts of Volterra and I felt sure in they were leaving the city frequently I'd of seen them go past, but maybe not. After all if they were vampires they probably had other ways of leaving the city or drawing people in.

In an odd way I was grateful to those cloaked vampires. They reminded me that Edward was still somewhere out there. He had said that it would be like he'd never existed and yet these human drinkers proved he did and I was grateful for that. I could never put Edward behind me; he was my first love and in all honesty, I would probably never love another the way I loved him. For this I smiled, every time I saw one of them I smiled at them and I think it confused them. Other humans avoided them, I smiled and that threw them.

One small figure in particular seemed to be intrigued by it. Every time I smiled at them this figure stopped. Only for a second but every time it happened they came to a stand still. The figure began to come by the dojo more often. I wondered why; perhaps to see if I would still smile, perhaps to kill me for smiling at them. They never did anything, they didn't acknowledge me in anyway other than to stop each time I smiled before continuing on their way.

Well that's the way it had been until tonight. As I exited the dojo I saw them waiting on the other side of the road. Of course I couldn't be sure it was me they were waiting for until they raised their head, giving me my first look at what was under the hood of their cloak.

It was a young girl, I doubt she could've been older than fifteen. At least she couldn't have been any older than fifteen when she was changed, for she was definitely a vampire. Her ruby red eyes seemed to sear through me and I knew I should've been scared, I should been terrified. Yet I just couldn't bring myself to be. I suddenly felt strong, motherly feelings towards this frozen child. I found myself thinking about her life.

Was she happy when she was a human? Did she have a loving family? Was she rich, poor? Had she been happy to become a vampire? Was she loved now? All these questions ran through my head as I looked her in the eye. Neither of us blinked, in that moment I wanted to walk across the road and hug her; I wouldn't of course, she'd probably rip my throat out, but I wanted to. Instead I smiled at her and without knowing what possessed me, I waved. To my shock she smiled back, but it was a very different smile to the one I had given her. Her lips twisted upwards into almost a smirk, it was both sadistic and superior.

After several seconds that smile became a frown. Her eyes narrowed on me and it seemed like she was concentrating very hard. I just stood there, what else could I do; if she wanted to kill me she could easily out run me. She gave up after a while and just walked away.

When I'd been with Edward, I'd felt repulsed by the idea of vampires that drank human blood. Now I couldn't feel that way any more. After all they were only following the food chain. I guess humans got so used to being on top of that food chain, that when we found out there was something above us, it felt wrong. Although I didn't want to die, I found myself thinking that should I ever be drained by a vampire, I would forgive them. I wouldn't like it, but I'd forgive them. I thought about that little girl and all the lives she'd probably taken and I found myself forgiving her for them. I know she didn't need nor did she probably want my forgiveness, I was nothing to her but she had it just the same.

In the days that followed I saw the girl quite often. She came, at first, every other day. Always waiting on the other side of the road, she would glare at me for a minute and then walk away, seemingly in a mood. Pretty soon she started to appear there everyday, still in the same place. As the days went on, she seemed to get more agitated when, after glaring at me nothing happened. I just smiled and waved at her. It became part of my nightly routine.

On one night, about three weeks after we'd gotten into a routine she came across the road. I became tense, it was an instinctive feeling and by the smirk on the girls face her improved eyesight had picked it up. It seemed to return some of the confidence that had faded away from her over the past weeks. Upon reaching me, she took some time to study me. Much like an entomologist would a particularly fascinating beetle.

"Why wont you hurt?" Her voice was like wind chimes, it sounded angelic almost. Her question puzzled me.

"What do you mean?" My inability to understand seemed to frustrate her further.

"Why wont you hurt?" She repeated angrily.

"Why haven't you killed me?" I didn't know quite where the question came from and by the looks of it neither did she. We both fell silent and studied each other wearily.

"Do you know what I am?" Her face was full of suspicion.

"Y-you're a vampire?" It came out as a question yet we both knew it was a statement. Her face grew impossibly harder.

"How do you know about us?" I opened my mouth to answer, "never mind. You know, you must come with me." By the tone of her voice I knew I had no choice in the matter. Wanting to keep my life if at all possible I decided it would be best to just do what she said. I nodded and she turned.

I followed her through the streets of Volterra, not knowing where we were going. The silence was awkward and nerve wracking, so I decided to break it.

"What's your name?" It was the first thing that popped into my head. This girl might very well kill me so I had the right to know her name, didn't I? She paused for a minute before answering.

"Jane, Jane Volturi," the name rang bells at the back of my head. Not her first name but her second, Volturi. Where had I heard it before?

The rest of our journey was silent as I tried to remember where I'd heard that name, I knew I had. She lead me down some back alleys until we reached a door. It was clearly a back entrance to somewhere but to where? I continued to follow her through the door. The corridors were long and winding and I felt my nerves rising with each step I took. Shadows flew across the walls and my imagination went into overdrive as I imagined every possible scenario for my death. I was now sure I wouldn't be leaving here alive.

Finally we came to a large set of wooden doors, which Jane threw open easily; demonstrating her inhuman strength. We were now in a huge chamber, with high walls and large windows that started about halfway up them. At the end of the chamber, three vampires sat on thrones. Around them many more vampires stood to attention. One vampire approached us, he was small in stature and looked to be Jane's twin. As odd as it was considering my life was in immediate danger, I felt happy that Jane did indeed have someone to look after her. The twins embraced each other and the male kissed Jane on the cheek. Before turning his attention to me.

"So Jane, what have you brought us? Is this that human that you have been so obsessed with recently?"

"Indeed."

Jane turned her attention to the three figures at the front and motioned for me to walk forward with her. The vampire in the middle of the three held out his hand to Jane and placed hers in his. The vampire seemed to concentrate for a moment before turning his eyes to me.

"Interesting," I was just about sick of people studying me now.

The vampire to the others left looked me over with a surprised expression on his face before looking at Jane and then offered his hand to the middle vampire. It was becoming quickly apparent that the middle vamp was the leader. The leader too looked shocked before quickly recovering a passive expression.

"Come closer, young one." It took me a few seconds before I realised he was speaking to me. I reluctantly stepped towards him. He held out his hand to me as he had done to Jane and I shakily placed my hand in his, almost flinching at how cold it felt. He looked intrigued and squeezed my hand slightly before dropping it.

"It's amazing, it appears that my gift doesn't work on her either Jane. It's like she's blocking us. I haven't seen a gift so developed whilst the owner was human since you and Alec." He brought his hand to his chin and stroked it whilst thinking, I felt such an urge to laugh but pushed it down, knowing full well this was an inappropriate situation.

"What to do with you, we can't let you leave as you know about us. We have to keep our secrecy you know. It would be such a shame to kill you and waste such a gift but your blood does smell so irresistibly good. What do you think brothers?" He turned to the vampires on either side of him. The vampire on the left offered his hand to the leader, apparently he wasn't much of a talker. So far I'd gathered that the leader gift was some form of mind reading that was triggered by touch. This made me think of Edward and I wonder if he'd be sad if I was killed. I wondered if Alice would see it and if she would tell him. Maybe they would never know.

The vampire to the right of the leader who had been so far silent, finally spoke.

"Perhaps we should change her. If her gift is improved with her change, she will be a useful and welcome addition to the guard. If she proves to be too much trouble we can always kill her then." He said all of this with an almost bored expression on his face, as if he were trying to decide what to watch on TV not the fate of a person.

"Ah, my dear Caius, always the logical one," the leader was speaking again. "Perhaps we should ask her which she would prefer death or to join us." He looked towards me expectantly, wanting an answer. I didn't know what to do, to be changed or not to be changed. I didn't want to die and if I was immortal there was more chance of me meeting Edward again. If I was changed now we would both be around the same age in terms of looks. Changing was my best option but what about my family, they at least deserved some closure and I asked as much.

"Ah, but of course my dear. We would naturally set up some kind of fake death for you. Your family would be able to move on thinking they know what happened to you." I breathed a sigh of relief. I knew my death would hurt my family and they would be distraught for a while. However, in some ways, maybe my dying would be good for them. They wouldn't have to worry about me any more, perhaps this would be better for everyone concerned.

"I'll become a vampire, but could you make my death look painless. I don't want my family thinking I suffered." The leader smiled at me indulgently.

"But of course. I am Aro by the way and this," he gestured to the surrounding vampires, "is my family. We are the Volturi." I suddenly remembered where I'd heard the name before. Edward had once told me they were something like the rulers and the police of the vampire world.

Aro started talking again.

"The two men either side of me are Caius and Marcus," both nodded to me in acknowledgement. "We are the rulers of Volterra and we police the world of vampires, stopping others from exposing us. It's why we can't let you leave, you understand. Jane will take you to a room and begin the changing process and we shall see you in three days."

At Aro's words Jane took me by the hand and lead me from the chamber and through more winding corridors until we came to another smaller room, complete with a bed. I sat on the bed and looked at Jane who was studying me.

"Do you know how the change works?" She asked me. I shook my head.

"I will bite you and allow my venom to seep into your system. It will run through your blood changing you as it goes until it eventually stops your heart. It will take about three days. It will hurt." She waited for me to give some sign I was ready. I took a deep breath and nodded before laying down on the bed. Jane hovered over me before biting into my neck. The bite was slightly painful but not overly so. I didn't feel anything for a minutes before the burning started.

Then I truly knew the meaning of hell.

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	4. Learning the ropes

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or anything else mentioned in this fan fiction, the characters and everything else belong to Stephanie Meyer. The only thing I can claim is the plot.

**Chapter 3 - Learning the ropes**

Oh God, my body was on fire. Every inch of my skin was being poked with a thousand hot needles. Every limb was being torn off then brutally sown back on. I was dying; I had to be, this couldn't go on for much longer. I couldn't take much more, I was going insane, I could feel my sanity trickling away from me in the wake of the pain. It was like mice running from a cat. I tried to concentrate on something, anything.

His face swam into my mind, Edward's. He just looked at me and it helped me to distance myself from the pain. Just a little, enough to make it bare able. If this pain meant that when we next met, and I was sure we would, that we might be able to have some sort of equal relationship, then I could deal with it. So I went through it. I lay there and took the pain and knew it would be over soon, this wasn't forever it was just the beginning.

The days past slowly for me until, finally, the pain started to leave my toes; then my fingers, then my feet and so on. The pain didn't dissipate rather made it's way towards my heart. It built there, each beat stoking the fire. My heart was beating so hard, like it was trying to fight against the venom all by itself but it was in vain. Like the climax to a piece of music, the beating sped up and grew louder then; it stopped. It just stopped.

I lay there; completely still, my eyes closed, not even daring to breath. Gradually, I allowed the surrounding air to fill my, now useless, lungs. It was amazing. I could taste everything within that breath. I didn't need to breath but I certainly liked it. I clenched my hand, the muscles responding before the thought had fully formed within my brain. Even lying here, I felt powerful, indestructible.

Opening my eyes I had to blink, the immediate sensory overload was just too much. I could now see everything and I mean everything. It was all so colourful, so bright; I loved it. I could hear everything in a miles radius and smell everything within that too.

I became aware that I wasn't alone in the room. Jane was still here or she had come back. I wasn't aware enough during my change to pick up others comings and goings. She was looking at me and I took a good look at her too. Both of us wary of each other, unsure as of yet if the other was an enemy or an ally. She glared at me, the same way she'd done when I was human and I wondered why.

"Why are you glaring at me?" Inwardly, I revelled in the sound of my own voice, it sounded like tinkling bells.

"My gift still doesn't work on you." She seemed frustrated by this and I wondered what her gift was. I asked her as much.

"I can cause people pain with a single look," her face let slip her pride in her gift. "My brother Alec can take away another's senses." I wondered why she'd told me of her brothers gift. Then I remembered that they were twins and how close they had seemed when I'd seen them together. It was very likely that Jane thought of Alec as an extension of herself.

"Oh. Why would you want to use your gift on me?" She looked confused by my question and it occurred to me that perhaps she didn't need a reason. Perhaps her gift was like mine, instinct.

"You smiled at me," she said it as a statement but there was an undertone of a question there.

"Why would me smiling at you make you want to hurt me? Did it offend you in some way?" She was thinking.

"No one really smiles at us, especially not humans. Even vampires tend to growl at us more often then smile. Probably because if they're seeing us they've done something wrong and we're there to deliver their death. I guess your smile threw me and it was like you knew something I didn't." Her answer made sense. I tend to throw a lot of people of balance by doing the exact opposite of what they expected of me. I nodded to Jane, showing her I understood.

"Why did you smile at me?" I did not expect her to care but she was truly curious so I told her.

"You and the other Volturi members remind me of some people who left me. It was nice to be reminded that even though they weren't with me, we still lived in the same world." I smiled at her weakly and took in her shocked expression.

"These people, are they the ones you found out about vampires from?"

"Yes."

"How?"

"One of them saved my life. It was icy and the driver of a van lost control. It was going to hit me and he stopped it."

"What was his name?" I sighed as I thought about them. I hadn't talked to anyone about them since they had left and it felt almost cathartic.

"His name was Edward Cullen." From her face I could tell that she knew him.

"What happened?"

"I fell in love, we went out, his brother almost killed me, he left." Short and concise and full of pain. I was the sympathy on Jane's face and I didn't want it. Thinking about it now with my new vampire brain, I was glad that he left. If he hadn't I would never have moved to Italy; I wouldn't have become the person I was now, we would still have an unequal and unhealthy relationship and I'd still be human. No, him leaving meant that if we met again, we could have a better relationship that would stand a chance at lasting. I still loved him with all my heart but now I could survive without him. The time apart would do us both good and allow us both to find out what it is we truly want from a relationship.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be, it was the best thing to do and if I meet him again, I'm a different person now and a relationship between us would now stand a chance at surviving."

"Aren't you angry at him for leaving you?"

"Honestly, a little but I've forgiven him. That's not to say that he hasn't got a lot of ground to make up when we finally meet again."

"Your too controlled for a newborn." The change of subject was a little startling and I didn't really know what she meant. I didn't really know anything about how newborn vampires were supposed to behave, I could only act in a way that felt right for me.

"How am I supposed to be acting then?" She found my question funny and laughed. I liked the sound of her laugh and wished she would laugh more. She'd looked so sad when she was talking about no one ever smiling at her and I felt my heart break for this poor little girl, even if she was much older than me.

"Most newborns are only worried about their hunger and finding their first meal." I shrugged at this. Yes, I felt a slight burning at the back of my throat, like when you haven't had a drink for a while but I was able to handle it just fine.

"I'm just not that hungry."

"You should be."

"I never seem to follow the norm." She looked bemused at this.

"I should probably take you to Aro. He's eager to see the effects the change has had on you. No doubt you'll take him by surprise too. Lets go."

Jane lead me back towards the chamber where my humanity had been judged and found wanting. Aro, Caius and Marcus were sitting in the same places I'd seen them in last and idly I wondered if they ever moved. As we entered the room Aro stood from his seat and made his way towards us.

"Ah, Isabella how are you feeling? I can see the change has done wonders for you." He took my hand and sighed. "Your still completely hidden from me, what a gift, what a gift." I didn't ask how he'd found out my name, Aro seemed a bit omniscient and he probably wouldn't tell me even if I asked.

"I'm feeling good, everything is so much clearer." He nodded when I said this, I became quite curious about just how Aro's gift worked. He was all to glad to tell me, I got the impression that Aro liked to be the centre of attention and I'd just provided him with an excellent opportunity to be so.

"Well my dear, I touch a person and then I hear every thought that persons ever had." That certainly shocked me, every thought, Aro pretty much was omniscient, except for me. I felt quite smug.

Aro took Jane's hand and I assumed he was replaying my earlier conversation with her. I became worried for the Cullen's all of a sudden, after all they were the ones who had exposed the world of vampires to me. From what Aro had said before my change I gathered that they weren't supposed to do that. I waited with baited breath for Aro's reaction. Apparently I was quite obvious in my worrying.

"Fear not, young Isabella. The Cullen's shall not be harmed for exposing themselves to you. I suspect that you haven't told any one and you are now a vampire yourself so no harm no foul. Naturally we will have to alert the Cullen's to your change and warn them about exposing themselves in the future. However, I think we can give you some time to learn the ropes before we do that. You're probably not ready to see them again yet either." It was nice of Aro to take my feelings into consideration and I suspected that once I got to know him, Aro would be a good and powerful friend to have. Just as he could be a good and powerful enemy.

"Thank you."

"But, of course you must be hungry," he said.

" Not particularly but I suppose I should learn to hunt. If it's not offensive to your, I would prefer to hunt animals rather than humans." I looked up at him expectantly, waiting for some from of direction or answer. Aro looked like if he was human, he would fall over backwards. He quickly recovered himself.

"Of course, if you wish you may hunt animals, but are you quite sure you aren't hungry?"

"Yes, quite."

Aro sent me out with a member of the guard called Felix. He was big and burly, I knew exactly why Aro had chosen him. Even with my newborn strength, I doubted that I would be able to beat Felix. Should I make any move which would expose us he would stop me and I was glad for it. He lead me to some near by woods for my first hunt making sure to avoid as much human life as possible and grabbing my arm when we had to come within a half a mile radius of one. Although I felt in control, I couldn't be sure I wouldn't attack someone if they came to close so I was glad Felix was able to think ahead.

My first hunt was fairly productive and I caught several deer which took away the burn almost completely. We made our way back to the castle and I got to know Felix a little. He reminded me a bit of a slightly more sensible Emmett and he was very protective of all those within the Volturi. He was interested in why I wished to hunt animals instead of humans. I told him of the Cullen's and how I'd come to know of vampires. He asked me whether deer tasted nice and I told him I hadn't tried any other blood yet so I had nothing to compare it to. By the end of our talk I think he was quite interested in trying animal blood himself but I got the feeling that I probably wouldn't convert him to the vegetarian way of life, he seemed far to set in his own way.

Over the next few weeks I learnt the basics of being a vampire; how to hunt, how to fight and how to control myself which I found quite easy. Aro also tried to work on my gift then me but no one could make head nor tail of my gift or how it worked. Aro talked of another vampire he knew who could sense others gifts but said he wouldn't contact him for a while because this vampire was very familiar with the Cullen's. So for now I was in the dark.

I was forming several friendships within the Volturi and had become quite close to Jane, Alec, Felix and the volturi's tracker Demitri. One of them was sent to accompany me on all my hunts and Felix and Demitri were teaching me to fight. My interest in Martial Arts as a human was quite useful in my new life. I already knew the basics of fighting so I had something to work with.

It was about six months into my newborn life that Aro brought up the subject of informing the Cullen's of my change. I was now in complete control of my bloodlust. Plus Aro was eager and impatient to learn more about my gift. I didn't really know if I was ready to see them again but figured that I was probably ready as I'll ever be. I had achieved what I'd set out to achieve. I had reformed and was now firmly Isabella Volturi, I knew who I was and I was an individual. So I let Aro know that he could contact the Cullen's and his gift-reading friend. Taking a deep breath I looked forward to the future and to meeting Edward again.

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	5. Meeting again

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or anything else mentioned in this fan fiction, the characters and everything else belong to Stephanie Meyer. The only thing I can claim is the plot.

A/N: Ok, I just wanted to say that I don't know how long to make this story, so if you want it to be long review and tell me. If you want it short and sweet review and tell me also. I don't want people to get bored so… anyway on with the story.

**Chapter 4 - Meeting again**

Tension within the castle was high these days. It was about a week ago now that Aro had contacted Carlisle and told him he needed to see him and his whole family. Aro told them that they may want to come for an extended stay so they were at this moment getting ready to come and see me. Not that they knew it was me they were coming to see, Aro felt that the news of my change was something that should be given to them face to face. I agreed with him and I couldn't wait to see their reaction to me. I had no ill feelings towards them but couldn't help the sense of mischief I got at the thought of their surprise to see me.

As for Edward, I just didn't know what was going to happen between us. Some part of me thought that we'd just; see each other, run into each others arms and live happily ever after. This was not the logical part of me. Logically, I knew that we still had some issues to work through and that was if he wanted a relationship there was always a chance he actually meant what he said in the forest. On the other hand if he didn't care for me he wouldn't have asked me to stay safe, so it was a moot point. I decided that I would take what happened as it happened and try not to think about it too much. It wasn't working.

The Cullen's were supposed to arrive in two days time and the other inhabitants of the castle were on edge. They were all aware that if this meeting didn't go well they could potentially have a crazed newborn on their hands and no one really wanted that hassle. Also those members of the Volturi who knew the Cullen's and were on good terms with them were worried they would have to choose a side, should everything go to pot.

Aro naturally was feeling the exact opposite. He was excited to see what the outcome would be and he was excited to find out more about my gift. His friend with the talent for finding talents was part of the Denali clan, close cousins if you will, of the Cullen's. This clan had been invited as well. It was a good job that both the Cullen's and Denali's were vegetarians or the Volturi would have an incredible job on their hands, policing their hunting for the duration of their stay.

I was hunting more often than usual, determined not to show any sign of not being in control of myself during their stay. It almost felt like going to visit a proud Grandparent, I didn't want to give the Cullen's any reason to feel disappointed in me. Felix had been coming with me on the majority of my hunting trips, I think he was starting to take quite a liking to animal blood. I may perhaps have a convert on my hands. So far none of the others had taken much of an interest in my form of hunting.

The two days passed slowly but finally the day of their arrival was upon us. It was decided that I should wait in a room away from the entrance hall and someone would collect me when the Cullen's arrived. I suspect that it was Aro's love of theatrics that had made this the plan but I wasn't going to complain. It would give me a few more minutes to collect my thoughts and feelings before stepping into the belly of the beast.

All to quickly I found myself alone waiting for their arrival. I knew the exact moment they entered the castle and I knew Edward was with them. His scent had not change and my vampire senses made it even more potent. I wondered whether he could smell me and if he would recognise my scent. I wondered whether my scent was even the same anymore, now that I wasn't human that is. I stood up and began to pace the suddenly too small room. It had been five minutes, if Aro was talking about the weather with them I was going to kill him.

Finally Jane entered my waiting room from hell and motioned for me to follow her out. As we walked down the corridors to the entrance hall, I found myself wishing to be back in that, nice, safe, Cullen free environment that was my waiting room. It felt a little like being lead out to my execution, my mind was full of horrible what ifs. As we reached the double doors I took a deep, calming, completely unnecessary breath and then pushed them open and walked in with my head held high.

As I entered they all turned towards me simultaneously, with identical expressions of disbelief on their faces. I looked towards Alice first, she looked like she was about to burst. Suddenly she ran towards me screaming, I instinctively went to block her but you just can't block Alice. I was engulfed in the tightest hug anyone human or vampire has ever seen. Emmett followed suit and jumped on too. I knew everything was going to be Ok, at least two of the Cullen's were on my side and Ok with me being a vampire.

Once Alice and Emmett had gotten off me I turned to Carlisle. He stood there with a smile on his face and raised his arms to give me a hug. I flew into them with a speed that shocked even me. I didn't realise just how much I'd missed Carlisle, he was like a second father to me and his acceptance of my new vampire status meant so much to me. I sighed as he wrapped his arms around me and rocked us both on the spot. We broke apart and I turned to Esme, Jasper and Rosalie, deliberately not looking at one specific member of the family yet. Esme looked on at Carlisle and I with an indulgent smile on her face. Jasper was smiling and looked like he might sprout wings and fly at any minute, probably from all the love and happiness. Rosalie oddly enough, was smiling too. She looked happy if a bit exasperated.

Finally I turned to the one I was most anxious and nervous to see, Edward. He was just standing there, staring at me intently with an odd expression on his face. He looked both extremely happy and incredibly sad at the same time. I made my way to Edward slowly, as if approaching a wild animal. His eyes never left my face, like he was trying to drink me in. I stopped about a foot away from where he was standing, he hadn't made any move to come towards me and my pride wouldn't let me do all the work. The room was completely silent and tried to think of something to say to him.

"Hi." Ok so it wasn't the most original thing I could've said to the love of my life after not seeing him for close to a year after he left me but it was a start.

"Hi." He closed the distance between and I felt his hands on my upper arms, he squeezed slightly as if trying to make sure I was really there. We locked eyes and I couldn't look away. He was here, with me, I wanted to kiss him. Apparently he felt the same way as his faced moved closer to mine. I craned my neck up to meet him halfway, determined to set a good president for the rest of our possible relationship.

As our lips finally met, it felt like, like coming home. It felt right and I felt whole. It had felt great when we'd kissed in the past but never quite like this. I realised in that moment that, yes, I could live without him, but I didn't want to and by the looks of things I didn't have to. It wasn't over we were going to have a long, open talk about our relationship but I felt this was a pretty good start. From the Edward was kissing me it seemed like he was pretty happy too. Someone coughed in the background and we reluctantly broke apart. Edward rested his forehead against mine and took a deep breath. I got the impression he was smelling me which I surprisingly didn't find odd at all.

"Missed you," that's all I needed him to say.

"I missed you too, loads."

We didn't needed to say anything else at the moment, the important stuff had been said. Turning to face the other vampires in the room, Edward let his hands drop from my ands and put on arm around my waste instead. All of them were smiling, Alice and Esme looked like if the were human they'd be crying. I nodded to them all and took Edward by the hand. I lead him out of the entrance hall and no one stopped us. They all understood that we wanted to have a slightly more private reunion.

I took him through the corridors to my room, although I didn't sleep it was the room I was changed in so it had sentimental value and I needed some place to keep my stuff, so it was my room now. Plus I had the feeling I'd be able to put my room to far better uses from now on. Opening the door, I pulled him in so quickly he almost lost his balance before pulling him in for a passionate kiss.

After about quarter of an hour of that, we pulled away for an unneeded air break and a much needed conversation.

"I kind of like you being all strong and unbreakable," he told me whilst smirking at me. Edward never smirked at me like that. He looked, playful?

"I kind of like you, liking me." It was cheesy but I was too high on life and Edwards presence to care about things like that but this couldn't go on we needed to have a serious talk and I sensed that I'd have to be the one too start it.

"We need to talk." His face dropped just a little and he ran his hand through his hair, clearly nervous.

"Yeah, I know." He looked at me, obviously wanting me to start. This was new, we were working something out, together.

"I want you to know that I don't hold any resentment towards you for leaving me. In fact maybe I owe you a thank you." He grimaced and I realised how bad what I said sounded like. "Oh god, I didn't mean it like that. I'm so glad that you're back and I still love you. What I meant was I needed the time apart. When we met I hadn't finished growing as a person and instead of becoming an individual I became one half of a couple and that's not healthy. You leaving gave me a chance to become a who I needed to be and to level the playing field between us." He looked confused.

"What do you mean, level the playing field?" I scoffed at this.

"Come on Edward. You know as well as I do that when we were together before you were completely in control of the relationship and better than me in everything. You were smarter, stronger, better looking and more talented."

"Is that really what you thought Bella?" He looked really sad.

"I go by Isabella now and yes that's how it was. If it wasn't you wouldn't have left me."

"What?" He spluttered.

"Be serious Edward. Jasper nearly killed me and you got scared because I was too breakable for you and you couldn't bring yourself to take the big step that would get rid of that obstacle."

"Bell- Isabella I wasn't going to take away the soul of the girl I loved!"

"So do you believe I haven't got one now. I am vampire Edward, does that make me a soulless monster. I've never killed a human or stolen or committed any other huge sin. Can you look me in the eye, right now, and say I've lost my soul." This was the big question, could Edward see past my vampirism to the women I was.

"I can't say that. I still don't think I've got one but I honestly can't look at you Isabella and say you've lost your soul because I can still see it just behind your eyes." If I was still human I would've blushed.

"I'm glad we've overcome that. Don't mistake me, we still have a lot to work through but that's good enough for starters."

I pulled him down for another kiss which he responded to with enthusiasm. We spent the night in my room, re-learning everything about each other. I told him of my Art and taking up music to see what he loved so much about it. He told me about his failed attempt at learning how to track, I suggested he could ask Demetri about it.

It was nice spending time with Edward and now there was a new dynamic to our relationship. We weren't just lovers but we were becoming friends as well and I was really liking it. I'd never seen Edward laugh so much in the whole time I'd known him as he did that night. Things were looking brighter than ever before. I finally felt completely at peace with myself.

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